Woes, Worries & Wandering

Hello Folks,

Today, I write this blog post simply to relieve my churning stomach and restless mind. 

I am about to embark on a journey of my life this week. One which is full of uncertainty and mystery.

On Friday, I depart solo to Singapore, where I will be living for a fortnight alone. Here I will be exploring the city and indulging in the local specialities such as Singapore noodles. 

I am most worried about making this journey alone. The flight itself is 13hrs and I actually do not know very much about Singapore. Unlike in Ghana where I was in a village where everyone knows and cares for you, a city is much more different. What if any crime is made towards me? Who would care? 

I worry that loneliness will drive me insane. I am a social being and for those that know me well, know that I am always surrounded by people, writing my blog is the only solo time I get. How do I cope, having nobody especially in the first few days before I made friends.

After Singapore, I will be travelling to Cambodia avec mon amie pour six weeks (as Cambodia was once a French colony), I thought to include the odd French words I know!). Here, we will be volunteering in Human Rights project which is designed to empower local women. 

I have never been away from home this long, forget internationally -not even locally! I have got home sick on every single one of my international trips included a 4-day trip to Baltimore last year! How do I survive for 6 weeks? 

Cambodia, despite having UN, IMF & American support, is still a developing country covered by incredible humidity and medical issues such as Rabies & Japanese Encephalitis. 

What if I get these diseases, and become scarred for life?

I feel a slight sense of relief that I have a friend with me for this part of my 2013 adventure. However, I worry what if I become emotional with all these different things going on, our friendship is bruised? I could not think of a life without this friend, she has always supported me and given me that sense of self-belief in all I do.

I am only allowed 23kg for both trips, I can barely pack toiletries and what I really wanted to carry which was a portable kettle and instant coffee. What if I have issues finding my daily bits and bobs? 

Cambodia is known as the country of insects. It is home to tarantulas, cockroaches and mosquitos to name a few. I am actually terrified of these insects, how am I do deal with them. The thought of them is giving me a chilled spine just sitting here and typing.

I feel much better writing my worries. 

_________________

There is a God. And that one fact is what has given me confidence to go. Yes some of my worries may transpire into reality, but that is a challenge I have been given because God knows that is what I can handle and also NEED to handle in order to grow and develop.

Today, someone said to me you are going to find yourself. This is a load of nonsense to be honest. I already know who I am, without actively wanting to find myself, I learnt what is Komilla Chadha in my African Adventure last year.

The purpose of this trip is two-fold. The first is to use the resources available to me to do something for someone else, heal the world part by part.

The second is, my family, routine and home is my biggest strength. Ultimately, until two years ago (and even a bit now) without these frameworks in my life I could not go on. Thus, it seems my biggest strength is also my biggest weakness. I embarked on this project because just the thought of it had scared me and so I realised it was a challenge and one which would make a stronger woman. So the second reason is make me less dependant on these things.

This ties in with my spiritual beliefs. I came into this world without a family, routine & home. I had to learn the meaning of family and meet my family members, it was not part of me when I was born. This routine I prize so dearly of blogging, networking & studying has only been my life for maybe the last 4-5 years. My home has changed three times since I have been born, the thought of moving home actually upsets which is a sign of how attached I have become to something that again I was not born with. The idea and intention behind this trip is to reinforce that I am born alone which makes me free, which sometimes is hard to believe when one is so clouded by relationships (with people as well as things and emotions). 

I hope there is internet on my trip then I can share with you how things are going along.

I have found this post extremely cathartic and if you made it to the end of this post, then thanks!!